Vegan jokes

What do you call a fascist vegan?

Answer: Lactose intolerant.

What do you call a militant vegan?

Answer: Lactose intolerant.

What do you call a post-punk band that’s also vegan?

Answer: Soy Division.

What do you call a super-lazy vegan?

Answer: A couch potato.

What do you call a vegan post-punk band?

Answer: Soy Division

What do you call a vegan that’s always sad?

Answer: Meloncholy

What do you call a vegan who falls off the wagon and starts eating meat?

Answer: Looks like someone went and lost their veg-anity.

What do you call a vegan who is a bit of a fascist?

Answer: Lactose intolerant.

What do you call a vegan with a bout of diarrhea?

Answer: A salad shooter.

What do you call a Vegan with diarrhea?

Answer: A smoothie maker!

What do you call a Viking who turns vegan?

Answer: Norvegan

What do you call an argument between two vegans?

Answer: Quornfrontation

What do you call starving vegans?

Answer: Hungry hungry hippies.

What do you call vegan seafood?

Answer: Artifishial

What do you call vegans who are kinda cool?

Answer: Radish

What do you call veggies that have been arrested by the police?

Answer: Collared greens!

What does a vegan zombie eat for breakfast?

Answer: GRAAAAINNNS!!

What does a vegan zombie eat?

Answer: Graaiiiiins

What happens when a vegan gets mad?

Answer: They throw a tempeh tantrum.

What is a heated discussion between a bunch of vegan people called?

Answer: Plant-based beef

What is a vegan’s favorite video game?

Answer: Kale of Duty

What is the toughest thing about living a vegan life?

Answer: Getting up at 5am to milk the almonds.

What kind of self defence do vegans use?

Answer: Tofu

What music do vegan goths listen to?

Answer: Soy division

What type of crackers do vegans never eat?

Answer: Animal crackers.

What was Aladdin called after he went Vegan?

Answer: Saladdin

What's a vegan drummer's fave veggie?

Answer: Beets

What's more fun than a vegan at a BBQ?

Answer: Anything. Literally anything.

What's the difference between being vegan and having Covid 19?

Answer: With Covid the loss of taste is only temporary...

What's the hardest part about being a vegan?

Answer: Finding enough protein to get the energy you need to tell everyone you have ever met that you are a vegan.

What's the number one rule of Vegan Fight Club?

Answer: Tell everybody

What's the worst thing about going to a Vegan BBQ?

Answer: The screaming.

What’s the hardest thing about being a vegan that CrossFits?

Answer: Trying to decide which one to tell people about first.

What’s the toughest part of being a vegan?

Answer: Apparently keeping it to yourself.

Where did Vegans come from?

Answer: Hummus Sapiens

Where do vegans sit in a restaurant?

Answer: At the vege-table

Which car brands do a vegetarian from German drive?

Answer: It must be a Volks-vegan.

Who are a vegan’s best friends when they try new vegetables?

Answer: Taste buds

Why are most ghosts vegans?

Answer: Because it is super natural

Why are vegans more likely to go blind?

Answer: It’s not lack of proper nutrition. It’s because of reading all those tiny ingredient lists.

Why are vegans the best friends in the world?

Answer: They never have beef with you.

Why did the vegan cross the road?

Answer: Because they were protesting for the chicken!

Why did the vegan get fired?

Answer: His job performance didn’t meat expectations.

Why did the vegan get sent to anger management?

Answer: He had a bad tempeh...

Why did the vegan go deep-sea fishing?

Answer: Just for the halibut!

Why did the Vegan go fishing?

Answer: Just for the halibut.

Why did the vegan maintain his distance from the cow?

Answer: Because it kept cracking dairy jokes.

Why did the vegan not take the job at the grocery store?

Answer: He thought the celery was insufficient.

Why did the vegan smile when he opened the refrigerator?

Answer: He saw the Salad Dressing

Why did the vegan want to move out of his apartment?

Answer: There simply wasn’t mushroom.

Why did they only serve vegan food at the high school football game?

Answer: It was full of pro-teens.

Why do plants use photosynthesis?

Answer: So they can have a light snack

Why do vegans have a hard time getting intimate?

Answer: Because they have horrible gas.

Why does vegan cheese taste bad?

Answer: It hasn’t been tested on mice.

Why don't vegans eat chickens?

Answer: Because they have eggs in them!

Why don't vegans have sex?

Answer: Beating meat is animal cruelty.

Why don’t people like vegan jokes?

Answer: They’re tasteless.

Why was the girlfriend of the vegan man lucky?

Answer: Her ring was worth a lot of carrots.

Why was the vegan antisocial?

Answer: Because he avoided meats.